The Different Ways Men Say I Love You
by Brenda Shoshanna
“I can sleep with her, marry her, take care of her, but love – that’s something else,” said Tony, a married man in his late forties. “Guys don’t like to talk about love. They don’t know what to say. Of course guys do love. But they express it differently.”
Despite this fact, most women do not feel happy unless they hear those golden words, I love you. Men need to hear them as well. And yet, as much as men want love, many fight it to the last
minute. Love can make men feel vulnerable, childlike, and unable to deliver what’s expected of them. Yet, naturally, men do love and different types of men express their love differently. A
woman needs to be alert to who the man she is with is, and what love means to him. Here are five different ways that men express what they are feeling.
The first way is simply by saying “I Love You.” Saying these words is a huge step for some men. For some it feels like a life commitment, for others it is fraught with danger. “I’ve got to really trust her and know she won’t throw my love away in order to actually say the words to her.” said Steve.
Rejection is enormously painful for most men, and saying "I Love You", can be an invitation to be hurt. Most men must feel very secure in the relationship before he’ll dare say those words.
For others, saying “I love you,” means, I’m offering a committment. I’m going to be here to do things for you. For these men, love is expressed through action. By saying these words they feel they are agreeing to be there, to give to her and support her. If they don’t do it, they’ll feel like a heel.
For some men, the words means, I’m not leaving, or I’ll always be faithful. This can be very scary for some men. However, there is another type of man, who enjoys falling in love and letting the world know it. These men will say “I Love You” easily. Some say it to get a woman into bed, others are looking for a romantic fantasy, some just want to feel good about themselves.
Others say I love you just for the sheer pleasure of seeing how good it makes the woman feel. When a woman hears those precious words, she should step back a moment and put them in context. What do they mean to this particular man? And, are there other ways he may be actually expressing his love?
Some men express love through bringing gifts to the woman. The obvious gifts include those wrapped in packages, candy, flowers, special notes. But there are other gifts a woman may not be
aware of. For example, time is a gift. When a guy spends more time with you and less with family and friends, this is his way of saying he cares.
Another important gift is by standing up for you during a difficult time, attending important functions with you, going with you to your family, planning trips, dates or outings and putting you first in their thoughts. These behaviors are often indicators that the man cares a great deal.
Unfortunately, some express their love through being jealous, or possessive. They do not want to share your attention. Although being controlled is not being loved, for many two overlap. Some
women only feel cared for when the man is possessive.
Although this trait can get out of hand, when it is just part of the overall equation, it often is the way a man is saying he doesn't want to lose you. He wants to be the most important person in your life and to be on your mind all the time. If he is, he feels loved as well. Other men say “I love you” by being affectionate and making love to you. The physical contact breaks down barriers and provides a feeling of closeness that they don't feel otherwise.
Some women require hearing words of love spoken when they are being intimate. But be careful here - sex can mean many different things to different individuals. But many men feel that if the sex is good, everything else will fall into place. Sex can be a sensitive barometer to what’s going on in all aspects of the relationship.
Another way of saying “I Love You” is taking you home to meet the family, (and/or close, meaningful friends). He’s proud of you and wants to connect you with the people who mean the most
to him. This is often a sign that you are becoming a significant part of his life. By being aware of the people in his life that he introduces you to, you can get a good idea of whether he cares or whether this is this a limited relationship. Love, includes sharing all parts of ourselves with another.
It is helpful to keep a little journal of your relationship. So many acts and expressions of love go unnoticed and unfelt, because we simply get used to them, or are too busy to stop and take note – or to stop and say thank you. Take a few minutes to note what you received and also gave that day. You’ll be surprised to realize all the ways your partner is giving to you, and it will be wonderful to find new ways to give back as well.
About the Author: Learn incredible techniques to resolve difficulties easily, and create a blueprint for supportive, constructive relationships by a leading psychologist, best selling author, and relationship, family and divorce mediator at http://www.therapist-in-nyc.com